As parents fiercely protect both their children and their rights to raise them, establishing parenting schedules for co-parents can become a major point of contention. Of course, we’re talking about the time a child of divorced parents spends with each. And time after all is our most precious commodity. You can’t really save time or make more of it. What you have is what you have. And… It is fleeting!
To clarify, custody and parenting time are different. Custody refers to decision-making authority over the child’s life—whether one parent has sole custody or both share joint custody, or in other words share decision-making authority. Parenting time, however, pertains to how the child’s time is divided between parents, which can be equal or unequal, even with joint custody.
In this article, we will explore various parenting schedules and considerations when creating one.
50/50 Parenting Schedules for Co-parents
A 50/50 parenting schedule means that co-parents split their time equally with the child. If you are wondering if this is a good choice for your family, bear in mind there are volumes of data documenting the benefits of equal parenting to the child.
The way in which you divide up the schedule between parents is only limited by your creativity. Here are few common methods:
Week On / Week Off: Parents alternate weeks with the child. The child switches homes on the same day each week. While Sunday swaps are a popular choice, some parents choose to swap on Fridays instead to start the week together over the weekend rather than as the busy work and school week start. If a week seems too long for you, consider a mid-week overnight swap to alleviate separation anxiety.
Two-Week Rotation: Similar to the Week On / Week Off schedule, this arrangement involves a two-week gap. While it can be difficult during the school year, it may work for children with special needs or parents with long commutes. It’s also an excellent choice for summer when kids aren’t in school, camps are scheduled, and vacations are planned.
3-4-4-3 Schedule / 2-2-3 Schedule / 2-2-5-5 Schedule: These schedules minimize time gaps between parent-child visits while maintaining an even balance of weekdays and weekends. While they are effective, these schedules may require more tracking, which could be cumbersome for some parents.
Unequal Parenting Schedules for Co-parents
While I contend that every effort should be made to accommodate a 50/50 parenting schedule, if this is not feasible for your family, consider 60/40, 70/30, 80/20, or 90/10 arrangements.
In extreme cases, such as parental incarceration or abuse, a parent may have no visitation rights. But, unless there’s a safety concern or insurmountable logistical challenge, children generally do best when they have access to and involvement of both parents, with equal parenting being ideal.
A 50/50 split can be challenging if parents live far apart, have irregular work hours, or if one home is unsafe. However, even young children can adapt well to some amount of time spent in two homes, especially if it is all they’ve known. Some may argue that younger children struggle with living in two homes. But modern technology such as Facetime and video conferencing software can mitigate many challenges.
If your parenting time is less than 50%, there are ways to make the most of the time you have: attend your child’s sports games and practices, take family vacations, or chaperone school trips.
Additionally, parenting schedules can be adjusted if circumstances change over time. Start by discussing desired changes with your co-parent, and if you agree to a new plan, you can file it with the court. If an agreement is not possible, mediation, getting the help of a co-parenting coach, or legal action may be necessary.
The Default Parenting Schedule for Co-parents
In many U.S. jurisdictions, the default parenting schedule typically involves one parent having the child full-time while the other sees them one evening a week and every other weekend. While this may suit some families, it certainly limits the influence of the parent on the short end of this schedule.
Unfortunately, among the co-parents I’ve coached, in the emotional fog of divorce, parents may agree to this limited schedule without considering other options.
While I recognize that the default schedule might be the best solution for some, it’s far from the only option. If this arrangement doesn’t work for your family or you personally, know that there are many other schedules to choose from and you don’t have to agree to it.
CustodyXChange Schedule Creation Tool
If none of the standard options fit your needs, don’t hesitate to create a custom schedule. Family courts are open to creative solutions as long as both parents agree to follow them, and the arrangement doesn’t raise concerns for the child’s well-being.
Want to play around with creating different schedules and seeing what they look like? CustodyXChange offers an excellent online tool to do just that. Visit their website and start experimenting.
In Conclusion
In general, children do best when they maintain strong relationships with both parents, provided there are no serious issues like abuse or neglect. By working together to create a fair and balanced parenting schedule, you give your child the best chance to thrive post-divorce. It may not be easy. But trust me, it’s definitely worth it!
Could a Co-parenting Coach help you create your ideal parenting schedule?
Learn how Teresa’s Co-parent Coaching service may be able to help in the article What is a Co-parenting Coach?
For a reference to use throughout your co-parenting journey, check out Teresa’s bestselling book Combative to Collaborative: The Co-parenting Code