The DOs and DON’Ts of Co-parenting During the Holidays

by | Dec 4, 2024 | Coparenting

Christmas blended family photo

The DOs and DON’Ts of Co-parenting During the Holidays

Holidays can be magical, stressful, and downright complicated—especially for co-parents. Between dividing time, juggling extended family visits, and managing your own emotions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But the good news? You can create joyful, lasting memories for your kids without losing your sanity. Here’s a guide to navigating the season with grace, collaboration, and maybe even a sprinkle of holiday cheer.

Challenges of Co-parenting During the Holidays

  1. Time Splits: Dividing holidays fairly between parents while factoring in extended family visits is tricky.
  2. Missing Moments: Not being there for big moments like Santa visits or Christmas morning can sting.
  3. Tradition Pressure: Crafting meaningful traditions adds to the stress.
  4. Religious Differences: Blending customs requires compromise and understanding.
  5. Blended Family Complexity: More parents, more kids, more schedules = chaos if not managed well.
  6. Balancing Wants: Finding the sweet spot between what you want and what your kids need.
  7. Awkward Gatherings: Shared events with your co-parent can feel…less than jolly.

Holiday DOs for Co-parents

  1. Prioritize Your Kids
    The holidays are about their happiness. Put their memories and experiences first—even when it requires extra effort from you.

  2. Plan Ahead
    Coordinate with your co-parent early on. Align schedules, gifts, and finances for big-ticket items. No one likes duplicates—or drama.

  3. Encourage Thoughtfulness
    Help your child pick out or make a gift for their other parent. It’s a small gesture that teaches big lessons about love and generosity.

  4. Find Your Joy
    If you’re flying solo, fill your time by volunteering or connecting with others. It’s a great way to shift focus from what’s missing to what’s meaningful.

  5. Minimize Kid Shuffling
    Aim for fewer transitions by finding ways your kids can spend extended time with both parents and families.

  6. Celebrate Together (if possible)
    Joint gatherings work only if everyone is comfortable. If it feels forced, it’s okay to say no and celebrate separately.

  7. Include Everyone
    In blended families, go above and beyond to include all children in your holiday plans. No one likes feeling left out.

  8. Set Communication Boundaries
    Keep co-parent communication focused and clear. The holidays aren’t the time to dig into unresolved issues.

Holiday DON’Ts for Co-parents

  1. Cling to the Past
    Traditions are lovely, but they can evolve. Be open to creating new ones that work for your current family dynamic.

  2. Forget the Extended Family
    Help your kids stay connected to all their loved ones. It’s a gift that will last longer than anything under the tree.

  3. Make Kids Choose
    Don’t put the burden of scheduling on their shoulders. Offer them guidance and make adult decisions that prioritize their happiness.

  4. Compete Over Gifts
    Out-gifting your co-parent only creates tension. Focus on meaningful moments, not material one-upmanship.

  5. Opt Out
    Don’t leave all the holiday magic to your co-parent. Your involvement matters more than any present you could buy.

The Bottom Line

The holidays are a time for giving—not just gifts but also kindness, flexibility, and shared effort. By focusing on what matters most—your kids’ happiness—you can transform the season into something magical, no matter how complicated the dynamics.

You’ve got this. And hey, if all else fails, a little extra eggnog never hurts. 🎄

Check out the rest of my blog and my bestselling book, Combative to Collaborative: The Co-parenting Code for more co-parenting insights.